Ducks and Cliffs
by Secret Heart33
Summary: Join Santana and Brittany on a magical journey through space and time as they explore their love of Cliffs and Ducks in this series of one shots. Britana, Santana/ Brittany, Glee, F/F
1. Authors' Note

_**Authors' Note:**_ _Ducks and Cliffs_

In the years of 2012 lasting til 2013 a truly beautiful collaboration was formed between my friend Dan and me. We wrote a series (completely unrelated) of three fics together centered on Britana and a few other characters from _Glee_ under the account "IfUSeekAmy". If you are familiar with my other works then you most likely have heard of Dan. (He's the same person.) They were often written in between semesters of college during periods of vacation with coffee on a park bench in an undisclosed location. Although our collaboration was brief, it was truly magical to see the bond of fanfic we had bring others together in laughter and disturbance. (Mainly disturbance.) What you are about to read is two fanfics we wrote together, but separately that have never been seen before outside of my laptop. They were written a few years ago with alcohol on a futon in an apartment (location still undisclosed). (We'd post them IfUSeekAmy, but we don't know the password.) As always feel free to comment, question, or share your thoughts with us. Without further a due I give you a series I'm calling "Ducks and Cliffs". I hope it _cracks_ you up! (That's my hint it's crack fic….)

* _If you have interest in our other works, I highly suggest you read "Cosmic Love" on IfUSeekAmy. It was our most popular fic._

(Oh and if you're reading my Bechloe fic I promise the ending most likely won't be this cracky.)


	2. When Dreams Come True

_When Dreams Come True_

Santana was dressed in a duck costume, with accompanying yellow feathers. She stroked the feathers longingly, thinking of a blonde bitch, by the name of Brittany. Her sex kitten. The only reason she got this shitty ass job was to pay for Lord Tubbington's rehab. Apparently shit had been getting real.

Brittany was casually walking down the street, sucking on an ice cream cone, when she saw someone in a duck costume. Her lady bits started spitting fire. She was SOOOOO HORNY! Her Lady bits dripping pure lady juice, in complete ecstasy. In her excitement she sucked up all the ice cream from her ice cream cone. Her eyes turned a deep red, tossing the ice cream cone to the side, lust turning rebooting her system into pure sex goddess mode.

Brittany trotted up to Santana and grabbed her.

"LET'S FUCK! NOW!"

Santana's nipples sputtered and became so erect they busted through her duck costume. Women and children screamed, but in all reality they loved it. They wanted more and they wanted to watch this duck as her yellow feathers fluttered out into the air as she made baby ducklings with the bodacious blonde.

Santana gasped, "WHERE?"

Brittany looked around desperately for a magical place that would be private enough for this special moment in time.

"That car over there!" Brittany said, pointing to a red car stopped at a light.

They flew through the air because since Santana was dressed as a duck she could totally fly. They slammed into the roof of the car, causing the driver to jerk and sway. They sped forward into a world of yellow feathers, lust, car roofs, and hot steamy lesbian sex!

Santana was about to take off her costume, when Brittany stopped her.

"No I wanted to fuck you. The real you. The duck you."

Brittany turned Santana around and started grinding against her duck tail. Brittany had never felt so alive, thrusting her clit against the poly-blend and feather stuck tail. The feather's tickled her vagina as she swayed and moved. Colors flashed before her eyes, in what she thought was the best orgasm of her life.

In reality Santana and Brittany were on a car headed towards the edge. (LITERALLY!) The colors Brittany was seeing were actually the sun setting over the cliff they were going over that very second. In one moment of ecstasy Brittany was getting everything she wanted, she was fucking a duck and she wasn't getting arrested this time.

Just as she was about to come they hit the bottom of the ravine. The car and everyone involved burst into flames, in what was surely the most memorable sexual experience of their lives.


	3. But Loving Her was Red

BUT LOVING HER WAS RED

A/n: "Losing her was blue like I've never known/ Missing her was dark gray all alone/ Forgetting her is like trying to know somebody you've never met/ But loving her was red."

Santana Lopez sighed uncontrollably. This wasn't right, and she knew that she shouldn't be doing this. At 33, she was too old to be throwing herself at random girls. Casual flings, sex without any strings attached, shouldn't be what she wanted. She needed to be loved and appreciated for everything that she had to offer. Santana couldn't keep putting her heart on the line, couldn't keep putting herself in another stranger's bed only to wake up the next morning with another piece taken from her.

But as these thoughts raced through her tired mind, she couldn't speak.

Because her random hookup was peeing in her mouth at the moment.

Santana swallowed the luscious, yellow discharge that definitely wasn't lemonade.

Yummy. Tasted like that raccoon fetus that she ate while high on bath salts that one time.

After swallowing all of the piss, Santana burst into flames. Fearing for her life, she got up from the bed and jumped out the window, free falling 2093458093259 feet and landing on her ass. It put out the flames, but she crashed into a hot dog vendor's penis. It penetrated her vagina, and the semen went into her vagina (foreshadowing-she gets pregnant). Her vaginal lips clamped around the penis meat, and tore it off like a tiger, disintegrating the cylindrical male apparatus because of the enzymes that her vaginal walls secreted.

The vendor cried in agony, but Santana laughed and stole a hot dog and shoved it up her asshole, cause she liked things like that. Laughing, she sauntered down the quiet street, not aware of the fact that she was still naked. She didn't really give a shit, as evidenced by the fact that she had a hot dog halfway up her booty. She was Santana fucking Lopez. She did what she wanted.

As she walked through the empty city, her heart stopped for a moment when she found a discarded duck custom. It was then that she realized that she had no clothes, so she decided to put on the duck custom. As soon as she put it on, she felt someone humping her leg. Looking down, she realized that it was…

GASP!

GASP!

GASSSSSSP!

BRITTANY!

"BRITTANY?!" Santana cried out in orgasmic bliss as Brittany rubbed her kitty clitty against her leg.

Brittany looked up, a devilish smirk on her face. Without saying a word, the girl turned into a bumble bee and stung Santana in the eye.

"OUCH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT, YOU DIRTY BITCH!" Santana cried, confused and upset that her former lover was hurting her. But no matter what she said, Brittany, as a bumble bee, kept poking at her eye, pushing her towards a cliff. Without realizing it, Santana flipped over the safety rail and began her descent to hell.

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" Santana screamed as the hot dog became fully lodged inside her asshole, providing nourishment to the developing fetus inside of Santana. "I'M GOING TO POOP ALL OVER YOUR CAT FOR THIS!"

But Santana would never be able to poop on Lord Tubington. Again.

Because she was falling into hell.

When the flames touched her Latina skin, she melted into liquid, her screams echoing through eternity, causing everyone in the world to cry out in bitter agony.

And Brittany watched with a single tear running down her bumble bee face.

"Loving you was red," Brittany whispered as she transformed into a dude with a 19 foot penis, which wrapped around her leg and entered through her asshole.

"Loving you was red…"


End file.
